closure is never easy, and neither is progression, but sometimes the latter is easier when there are simply no alternatives.

dandelionwine.wordpress.com, because i have not been able to log onto blogger due to some registry errors in my laptop; i will not reformat it here, 6 time zones away from home because i do not have the necessary software to reinstall everything again, so.

till the end of june, hubriz will of temporal closure, because sometimes you cannot give things up. there is too much history, too much life here.

and then the week was over and closure couldn't have come on a better note.

it was an eventful past seven days where we were understaffed throughout the week till thursday, whereupon the dishwasher's son was hired and came and learnt amazingly quickly; it was lovely and heartwarming to see the dynamics of a mother and son relationship on the job when he pushed the plates of food towards her when most of the service just left it at the edge; a birthday beer party in the restaurant at 12 midnight to celebrate the assistant manager's 30th birthday (the old fart) and today, one customer patted me on the shoulder for my service and another insisted on buying me an 18 chf bottle of sake before tipping an additional 17 and thanking me for my services. and this is what i work for i guess, to put a smile on people's faces knowing that they've received a service proportional to the amount of money that they've spent and that i had successfully delivered a service which i would have tipped if i were the customer and i guess for all the hecticness of the initial part of the week all is well.

this week also marked me being able to talk to min min for the first time in centuries of days on friday morning, and in the same night running 400m to the nearest phone booth to make a call.

spring is coming, and its colours are green and yellow.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Tonight I Can Write - Pablo Neruda

today i went to thalia to look for books and i saw pretty covers of neruda's twenty love poems and a song of despair as well as niffeneger's the time traveller's wife and i could not resist but to buy it; i bought amis' house of meetings last month and i think i will make this a habit, at least a book a month, and i will soon have my very own library in switzerland.

i am an impulsive buyer at times and i bought neruda only because i loved the title and the cover and it was a pleasant surprise that when i opened it i found one of my favourite poems; i was reading journals online and i saw something that made me recall too many things and it was appropriate to find this again i suppose. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

(or, as amis says, what doesn't kill you makes you weaker and returns to kill you again.)

there is much truth in lyric verse, because verse falls to the soul like dew to pasture.
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work has been horrendous these days; a colleague was missing in action on saturday and today and we were severely understaffed on both times when the restuarant was compeletely full and it was only later at night that we realised that she was admitted to the mental hospital for work related stress.

there is much ambivalence about this knowledge, and it puzzles me greatly because no one deserves this, even though her working methods contrast completely from mine.

these days, i think i am getting too detached for my own good.

there was one less hour in the day today and it marked the reversal of a time in november; days seem like palindromes and maybe that's how it is, a teardrop of a punctuation and everything invariably comes to an end.

()

there are some things in life that you will always wish for, and to mdm teo ah lee i wish you health, happiness and longevity because you deserve all of this and more.
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please let me come back in time to cook for you, you've always done so for me so please at least let me do it once for you.

please.
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you will live till 88 years old, that's what achilles said and i have no reason to doubt it; do you?

it is only 3 more months till i return.

i overslept for work today, and my chef said to me:

"so, did you have pleasants dreams eh?"

"haha not really, i never have good dreams, that's why i managed to wake up then."

and it's true, i almost never have decent dreams; i wake up either covered in sweatdrops, and the rest of the day would be dark, melancholic, quiet and gloomy. it has been that way since i was young, and i don't think it will change in the near future; if dreams are a window to your subconscious self i think i am in major trouble.
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everything seems like a slide show these days; life is like a collage of deja vu and sometimes i wonder, how will my life end then.

silence, and questions that will not be answered until it's too late, too irrevocable.

tragedies of every sort can happen. a boy rushing to meet the love of his young life would spend weeks planning for his train trip funded by his own hard earned money; it will be delayed by snow, and he will be killed in the ride, and nobody will know of this story because sometimes that's how it is.

tragedies of every sort can happen.

it is spring, the flowers on the yard at the corner of my apartment told me.

but i still tear whenever i reach home; it is still too cold, too wintry, too silent.
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one will never cease to be aghast at the quantity of selfishness a human can possess; a chinese national who applied for an internship at an architectural firm in basel and moved in last friday boasted of finding an even bigger, better firm on the first day we met; the next day he was told he doesn't have a working permit and could not stay and thus for the next four days he bounced around like a leech offering his passport as a guarantee for the use of my laptop in the wee hours of the morning (8 am) to send emails to find a replacement tenant. yesterday afternoon, he left without a final word to anyone with 3 kg of the thai fragrant rice i told him on saturday he could have some while he settled in before buying his own provisions.

who the fuck eats 3kg of rice grains in a week.
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the ocean breathes salty, modest mouse and sun kil moon hum to me.

ladies and gentlemen, if you do want midnight supper, and you're staying in nus, mr lai wai kit has a proposal for you.

XpresSupper

wtf i was reading the menu and i could feel the hunger pangs 7 time zones away. thanks a lot eh tallbhoy.
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ocean spray is amazingly catchy. i wonder how you sounded like when you sang it.

happy things should be written down, jaclyn seow once said and this time i concur because some memories should never be given an opportunity to be forgotten; fasnacht began yesterday at 4am in the morning when all the lights were switched off and the procession began; practically the whole city was awake, the old, the young and the ones in between and they all flooded the streets and made a town that's supposed to be sleeping alive. today on the first day of the carnival, also known as the only Protestant Carnival around because of its refusal to abide with its catholic counterparts to have it on the sunday before Ash Wednesday. waggis, people wearing huge head masks and costumes went around in floats throwing oranges, sweets and gifts to the crowd and in 2 hrs, i had 7 oranges, 1 beer, a gift clock and aroma set and 12312312 sweets, like, what the hell?? but this is truly the most amazing scene i have ever set my eyes upon, and it's not just the general festivities insofar as how the whole town embraced it, and that to me, is something worth admiring.

there are some times to be happy and with a decent stash of music, i am contented, delighted but occasionally wistful and maudlin. technicolour melancholia, funny ole term innit.

today (now) i am watching meet joe black for the first time since december 31st, 2001 and watching it again reminded me of why brad pitt is one of my favourite actors; the set is resplendent, the actors incandescent, and claire forlani reminds me a little bit of tamara but without the russian accent.

(i know she will kill me if she ever finds this, but i don't think she will.)

fasnacht is in 6 hours time, i ate 6 sushi rolls for breakfast and lunch and meet joe black lasts for 3 hours. everything is a multiple of something and i wonder what our lives will be.

rachael sent me ocean spray, i thought of my chefs in the first 6 seconds and modest mouse's ocean breathes salty in the next 12.

claire forlani is lovely, gorgeous, english, whispery.

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying
She's a sight to see, she's good to me
I'm already somebody's baby
She's a pretty thing and she knows everything
But I'm already somebody's baby
You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together
I'm nice to you, I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile if you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me baby
Because your candle burns too bright
Well, I almost forgot it was twilight
Even if I think that you are right
Well, I'm tired of being down, I got no fight
You're wonderful, when it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you I'd disappoint you too
Well, I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby.

Twilight - Elliot Smith

i played this song seven times in a row at 4 am, swinging from a swing right outside my apartment and it has been ages since i last sat on a one, in fact i almost never sat on a swing. i never really played much on the playground when i was young because my parents didnt have the time to bring me there and once when i petulantly asked to, my dad swung me so high i never dared to ask him to help me play with it again.

today i swung myself higher and higher, leaving trackmarks behind on the soft ground that i used to propel myself up; i invariably scar everything i put my feet on and it is quite maudlin because i do not think the land will be solid enough to support me kicking myself back and forth repeatedly for four months. what happens then?

tomorrow at 4 am, i will celebrate Fasnacht, today at 4 am i will willing submerge myself into a throng of people for a once in a lifetime festival. sometimes in life you hope that certain things are worth it.

You can compliment me on the style of my hair
Give me marks out of ten for the clothes that I wear
You probably thought I had more upstairs.

I disappoint you.
Can't see through your perfect smile.

He likes to read books written for girls.
He prides himself on being a man of the world.
In the darkest of places he gets his thrills.

He will disappoint you
If you see through his perfect smile.

I think separation is okay.
You're not star to guide me anyway.
You only wanted me to play.
A fool...played by your rules.

Now my door has swollen from the rain.
God knows we'll never see her face again.
People get shattered in many ways.

They can disappoint you.
When you see through
Their perfect smile.

Books Written For Girls - Camera Obscura

the album is called underachievers please try harder and there is a certain sense of appropriateness to it.

there’s too much silence these days, and there’s too much sadness. 2 repulsive, repugnant facebook posts the past two days from people who could be better and a thoroughly lonely chinese new year surely have not helped matters. today a former manager of one of the best french restaurants in basel pretended not to speak english and muttered in french the whole time while i served him before complaining to my manager; i wasn’t perturbed, nor Herr Bui, but it didn’t help matters that i was serving from the green tea pot that always leaked and splashed hot water on a female customer at the table. i had 40 chfs as tips, 20 from the lady, and 20 from her friend but sometimes money isn’t everything.

i failed to get honours for my first year, missing by 2 points even though i managed to get honours for my finals; french pulled my average down by 2 points and the curse of the languages other than english has continued to haunt me; today i continued my silent voyeuring and i wonder why i always have to reach out to people and not the other way round; one day i should stop, and be silent and let the world all around fall quiet in a vacuum void of my presence because sometimes what’s the point of trying so hard and what all people do is to react out of sheer obligation and not wants. because sometimes company isn’t everything.

when i said previously that i won’t be celebrating chinese new year again, i meant it because i will not be going back to singapore for the foreseeable future in the next five to seven years at this time and i know for a fact that things will change irrevocably. so do not mistake me for whingeing because i do love my grandma and i don’t know if this family will remain intact if…

if.

and then it was chinese new year, and so it was true that you never know how much you missed something until you've lost it. everything feels so different these days and i think everything will change when i do return, because i have always been the constant but this time i won't be able to because i am not. so to some extent, i don't really want to return to singapore find a past life i had once loved gone, faded, immolated with the passing of time.

chinese new year was always about sleeping over in grandma's house, watching jackie chan shows on channel 8, waking up at 10 am frantically getting dressed in anticipation of my cousins' arrival, playing host to them, getting them to eat pineapple tarts, chicken curry, abalone (which we would only buy once a year, and that's only if grandma doesn't get them as gifts) with bamboo shoots, ngow hiam, cabbage soup and chinese love letters. it was happifying, lovely, nuclearated and homely.

chinese new year this day was spent with aglio olio, garlic buttered mushrooms, and a chicken karage recipe i pilfered from my japanese chef, with whom i had two pints of beer and a turkish durham the night before; i walked to the nearest telephone booth at 4am, and called home, and heard my grandma and mom clearly over the phone, and somehow in the wintry blitzing cold sunday morning, i felt a certain sense of warmth. there was a box of matches in my left jacket's pocket; i felt like the matchstick boy. except he didn't die in the cold.

or maybe he did.

happy chinese new year everyone, i don't know if i will ever get to celebrate it again.

today is valentine's day, a day of love, joy, happiness and every restauranter's dream; love, i believe is the single most unfathomable and depthless emotion in this world and i am glad that there is a day to celebrate it, advertising and marketing gimmick as it may be. it will be a frenetic 24 hours and i foresee many couples coming so i suppose it is prudent to post this now than at the end of the day which would be utterly pointless because it would be the 15th of feburary and all sense of the day will be lost.

to dawn and sam, debbie and dingo, jac and weijie, risse and jgan, lisabel and boon gan, ailin and louis, mr lai and ms tan, i wish you love. and to the rest of you, one of these days you will find the other half that will complete you, that will bring out your capacity to love with a ferocity like nothing before, a candle flame in a still room that would illuminate all around you.

seriously fuzzy

today i met a tunisian from Fairmont Raffles, the company that bought the raffles hotel, a lady from l'ecole hoteliere lausanne, the oldest hotel school in the world who's now in a marketing agency because the hours were too long and the pay too little, a swiss gentleman who stays in barcelona and does graphic design the old way, by creating typographies from scratch and his lady companion who was an archaelogist; we talked about singapore, about greece and mesopotamia and we talked about our common love for food, of this restaurant in commerς street in spain called commerς and was a subsidiary of el bulli, of singapore and of art and culture. days like this, and i am convinced that this is the job i like, because i do not think you will ever get bored meeting new people and glimpsing part of their lives, lives that you will never get to lead and hence this is the best way for one to know how the other denominators goes. no matter how hard this job gets, it is days like these that make it entirely worth it.

ivata-san persists in calling me pak-san, and i laugh uproariously and he mimicks me in petulant fashion; he slips me karage and ebi when ms eichelberger isn't looking and i am entirely grateful for that; the latter i call boss, because that's who she is and there has been much laughter and fun between us. there was a day when i was working and i was thinking of the amazing quips between the both of us but sadly i cannot remember any now, which is not to say that it doesn't exist!

this morning when i was going home, i watched the river rhine under cold blue stars in a town 2051 years old and there is a certain sense of silent joy.

"i knew they were husband and wife because the old man asked the lady beside him if he could eat garlic rice."

Ms Eichelberger, on the best customers i have ever had in my life.

days like this make eveything i am working for entirely meaningful, because there is nothing lovelier than the incandescence of two genteel, considerate people in love and there is nothing you would want to wish them other than joy, love and happiness for the rest of their lives; theirs is a story to be shared, a story to be told and i am their unseen paparazzi, whispering a small secret of their single life.

so i really did end up in baden in this immense shopping centre called marktkauf where everything was so damned bloody cheap in comparison to switzerland and here is what i got, as a record for the amount i spent on groceries: 2 pieces of butter, 12 eggs, 3 packets of cream, 3kg of chicken legs for 5 euros, pork mince, 1kg of pork tenderloin, which i get to cut myself, 2 packets of spaghetti for 29 cents each, ham, bread, mushrooms, spinach, charcuterie (because i don't know what's it really called), chicken liver, soya bean milk which is definitely no tau hway chui sigh all for 30 euros, which is like. well. 60 fucking sgd?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

it honestly didn't feel that much, because my receipt accounts for 123124123 items going under 50 cents, but i guess that's just how grocery shopping works innit. and subsequently i went to this asia shop where i got oyster sauce for 5 chfs, and a 5kg THAI RICE for 9 chfs.

life is good aww yeah. time to start cooking for the win.

p.s. and i spent 40 chfs on wednesday and sunday stocking up on herbs, sausages and sauces too?! omg all my monies to food.

it seems the best way to not be sad is to not think and be swept away by the immense addiction of melancholy, to be carried away by its treacled tentacles into a gray and dank world where everything is cloistered, comfortable. i have to get used to this, to fully embrace the warm bright world that lies across the Rhine and learn that maybe the world is a happy place, and that everybody cares and everybody understands.

but who am i kidding eh.

yet, the past few days have been lovely days; it is my first time being so thoroughly independent in every aspect of my life and tomorrow i shall take my first step into germany, albeit only to buy meat because switzerland is just so ridiculously inflated; maybe during easter/summer i shall go to milan, and this winter to russia but for now i shall thoroughly trawl through recipes and learn how to make new dishes.

for now, i shall survive with fried bread in olive oil with caotina for breakfast; i think the previous 5 months of intense gymming shall go to waste.

i don't think many days could have come better than yesterday; after a terrific battle with my luggage, which had a wheel broken off, i reached my new apartment at 1 in the afternoon with terrific internet access speed and nothing else really. so i called my boss to inform her of how things were like and she brought me to ikea where i spent the single largest sum of money in my life in switzerland, but it was worth it i guess, considering the items i got. a pillow, a lamp, a foldable bed/chair, a table/cupboard and i guess i was pretty lucky, considering everything. the apartment has almost anything you could ask for, including a foosball table and most importantly, a kitchen so really, what else can i say.

now, all i need to do is to find a gym and all will be brilliant.

"I'm not Peter, he's Peter"

- Alfred Thomas Highmore, pointing at Johnny Depp

i don't think there's a more poignant scene than that in the whole of Finding Neverland because it is so happifying, initially, that an adult who refused to grow up would be able to fashion a character based on his own life but chose to give it away to another person so that no one would be able to find out about the truth but that's just how the way it is in the movie. wikipedia said that Peter Llewelyn-Davies grew to resent J.M.Barrie for his fame and subsequently committed suicide because of it and there's a certain sort of sadness to it, because the boy who was never supposed to grow up did, and died that way.

tomorrow i move to a flat with no wardrobes nor beds, but let's hope that the internet exists there, so it's goodbye to caux for now, goodbye to the lakes and the frenchy people and goodbye to everything i brought forth from singapore, it's finally time to leave everything behind.

i don't think many days come worse than this, the day beginning at 6 am when i couldn't get to sleep thinking of the impending luggage i have to pack; finding a way to squeeze half a year's life into three bags; sending people whom you may probably never see again and there is much maudliness and melancholy in these sequence of events. flights and departures are never easy, but when everything falls upon itself in a swirling twirl of hours, some things just compound upon each other in a sequence of unforgettable events.

to gary, the taiwanese point guard and language teacher, bao3 zhong4, to tamara, tough russian sentimental chick, pedruska, yixin, fellow singaporean who has helped me from the very beginning, all the best, you will get your honours this time. and to many other people too, except that to recount them individually would be far too agonizing. this is the end of a semester, the end of a chapter, and now i have to tell myself not to make the same mistakes as i did in timbre.
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yesterday i overslept on the train and missed the last train up to school and i had to take a taxi up. the ticker was amazingly efficient, clocking 20 cents per 5 seconds and i was like wtf! lesson of the day: walk up instead of taking a friggin taxi.
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there s so many things to say, and yet so little. i think i m fortunate in more ways than one, but i miss certain people terribly, and i cannot wait for the 30th of june to arrive. maybe there will be recounciliation with past and present lives, maybe there will be a new story.

it began snowing 2 days ago and today when i finished my paper, i walked out and saw glass petals float across the sky in a remarkably surreal and beautiful manner; it's my last paper for the next 9 months and i hope i can pass with honours, because if anything it would probably be because of abysmal mid term results for wine and bar, which was a damned group assignment which i got jacked by a groupmate for. i've recounted this story many times, but i swear if i don't get it, i will very possibly strangle her.

i went to my room in a daze, because that is what 6 papers in 3 days will do to you and slept peacefully for two hours.

i woke up and i saw scatterings of people packing their bags and leaving, some of whom i will never see again.
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these days i feel like a nomad, packing and moving, packing and moving; you settle for 5 months, you leave for holidays in between, and then you move elsewhere for another 5 months before you return home for 2 months; how much of home will remain the same to you, how much of home will remain important to you? things always change and with the momentum of the world coaslescing around you, i have no idea how long i can remain a constant for; who will remain a constant for me?

questions and answers that will never be resolved.

it is the vingt et un janvier, deux mille sept and in my mind this is a remarkable date because it simply is; it has been days since i last had a whimsical thought sweep through my mind and i am glad, glad because at the grand old age of 21 i still have some semblance as that of a child. these days have been pseudo examination cramming days, sleeping at 4 ams, waking at 12 noon, attempting vaguely to study before lapsing into the terribly habit of just bumming online; in two weeks time i will be in basel, in a flat which i will have to find by next thursday, and a small voice tells me that if there isn't any internet connectivity i am more or less SCREWED but, but i hope it won't be so.

6 papers in three days, a day in basel, a day of graduation service, a day of clearing 5 months of stuff, and a day of leaving before meeting fuzzy; that's my schedule for this week and damned if i survive it. at the very least they could give us a week to rest before sending us packing innit, bloody business oriented school. gee wheez bobeep.

once upon a time during primary school days when i was in the morning session, i watched a sbc show in the afternoon where huang wenyong had his ear accidentally snipped while having a hair cut; he subsequently cheated on his wife and his business went bankrupt in the same episode and at that moment, that was probably the first time i ever felt depressed in the dark curtain-shadowed humidity of singapore.

today while having my hair cut, the razor went over the back of my ear and that was the only thing i could think of.
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next sunday, everything changes again and then it will just be five more months

there is no future in nostalgia
Sor Fern called me up on Tuesday, to tell me that Arthur Yap had passed away. Apparently when Heng Siok Tian and Ho Poh Fun had visited him, he had enquired about the younger poets, like Hsien Min and myself.

I told Jack: 'I feel terrible'.

And Jack said: 'Don't Alfie.'

And I said: 'But what if he had a message for me?'

Jack said: 'He'd always have something to tell you won't he?'

And I scan Arthur's words now, and some of his poems I read like prayers.

- Alfian Sa'at

reading this i invariably wonder that with so many of the younger generation slipping through the cracks, stopping to write because they can no longer find the motivation to, what our elders would think of us, not in a form of deluded grandoise, but more in the vein of what would happen if we continued to write. i suppose the writing circle in singapore, partly due to size, partly due to the energy shown by the older generation to help younger, aspiring writers is a tightly knitted one, because every voice is a representation of a facet of the singapore in which we live in, and everyone of us who is capable of telling our story should actually step up and do it, because we owe it to people who believe in us, and we owe it to ourselves to maintain a soul which actually sings. there has been too much jadedness going on, too much apathy and ennui but we should never let it consume us because we are living people with voices, we are people who should continue to speak while we are still able to.

i think i need to sit at a desk again, with nothing but a pen and a blank piece of paper, piecing lyrics words together and not revulsing anyone in the process.

it is four thirty in the morning on a sunday, and i'm currently in montreux, typing on an increasingly irritating tailbone because clearly pain accumulates and i can't possibly lie down on a table and use my laptop that way. maybe it's a sign for me to start studying, so rawr.

it has been an eventful vacation, and many things were resolved because sometimes that's how things should be like. there is closure of sorts, and beginning of another and this is probably how a new chapter begins, sadly, inevitably, and cyclically; 7 hours ago i reached geneva airport and i saw the mac that i once typed on and i realised with certainty that everything's over.

elliot smith speaks much truth sometimes.

Hi there,
How are 'ya?
it's been a long time
Seems like we've come a long way
My, but we learn so slow
and heroes, they come
and they go
and leave us behind as if
we're s'pposed to know why
Why do we give up our hearts to the past?
and why must we grow up so fast?

And all you wishing well fools
with your fortunes
someone should send you a rose with
love from a friend,
it's nice to here from you
again
And the storybook comes to a close
Gone are the ribbons and bows
Things to remember places to go
Pretty Maids all in a Row
Oh, oh oh, oh......

Pretty Maids All In A Row - The Eagles

today marks the second last day i will spend in london and there is a certain sense of closure as i prepare to return to switzerland where i will see nary a singaporean for the next 7 months; this vacation has been absolutely brilliant, meeting and talking to people who are on the same wavelength as you does a person a world of good where he has been silent for the past four months and it is here where i would like to thank calvin, kai, shujun, yip, justin, ailin, louis and enqi for helping me out with so much during my stay here. one can friendly and helpful, but the above mentioned few have been so utterly generous that words cannot quite describe them, and it is here on one of the few times in my life where words have completely failed me.

today i met up with jocelyne and there has been much laughter and embarassment as we talked over a splendid meal at this belgian cafe called biero; we missed 2 168s, took photos, and i generally screamed when i heard she was going for her second muse concert in wembley; some things, like semi colons, never change and much solace can be sought in that. so ms wu, here's to more shopping and dining in august later in the year, eight months from now.

it is seven am now, i am spamming the eagles as i never had before and somehow there's much truth in the tune that they sing.

Its another tequila sunrise
Starin slowly cross the sky, said goodbye
He was just a hired hand
Workin on the dreams he planned to try
The days go by

Evry night when the sun goes down
Just another lonely boy in town
And shes out runnin round

She wasnt just another woman
And I couldnt keep from comin on
Its been so long
Oh, and its a hollow feelin when
It comes down to dealin friends
It never ends

Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb
Its another tequila sunrise,this old world
Still looks the same,
Another frame, mm.

Tequila Sunrise - The Eagles

it is the new year, it is 2007 and the ghost of 2006 is behind us now; too much happened last year, yesterday's year but i suppose it will be a memorable one for doing many things: being finally a cap councilor, having my first working experience, being on the set of my last production in my life, being in europe for the first time in my life and having the best christmas celebration ever. plans to go up to oxford to join the humance folks were scuppered, i was muchly sad and maudlin, but things picked up when i knew i had to cook for 4 other flatmates and we had a meal of chicken chops with thyme in wine sauce, buttered garlic mushrooms, steamed pork rashers and celery with onions and tomatoes courtesy of bryan and it was absolutely lovely and heartwarming. calvin's friends came over, and we spammed death note and watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and here i am now, looping beck and beth orton over on the player typing and being the general emo bhoy i am.

it is 2007 now, it is the new year, and happy new year everyone.

it is new year's eve and then it will be new year's day and something has to be said. pilfered from karenly:

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
too many things, and then none at all, depending on how you would look at it. this was the year i first stepped foot in europe, in england, cooked with friends and had my first ever murder mystery; too many happy things, too many sad things, but this is how things go. had my first concert, my first musical, and i hope it won't be the last.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
cursed less, but it still ain't enough ;p and to be more mature i guess, and less wilful.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
haha yeah, my uncle's wife :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
nope

5. What countries did you visit?
england and switzerland.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
i should just work for it lar. but maybe a rejuvenation for a dying soul.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
11th august, 31st august, 14th - 28th december. flights departures and temporal closures.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
not much i guess, i can do better.

9. What was your biggest failure?
not being a good waiter at timbre, and slipping on the day i was supposed to go to the yorkminister abbey and hence ruining my trip up to oxford.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
twisted my ankle 4 weeks before i was going to leave, and my !@$!@!%%$%^$#$ tailbone.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
YORK DESIGNER OUTLET SALES. ahahahahahahaa ted baker paul smith adidas ck ralph lauren for 110 quid. oh wait.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
the tiny hoh, dawn, kox, louis, ailin, enqi, debbie, dingo, the hwach kidz, calvin, jac, jes and risse. and a lot of other people i guess, everyone's a dear :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
mine i guess. i should honestly be a more considerate bugger ;p

14. Where did most of your money go?
comics food clothes books musick.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
wicked the musical, but that was during the show itself so it can't really count but it's still utterly fantastic so i don't really care. the england trip, the york trip and christmas :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
iron and wine - sodom, south georgia
the eagles - the sad cafe
the eagles - tequila sunrise
i wish you love - rachael yamagata
the devics - come up
elliot smith - angeles

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier generally, grumpy now.
ii. thinner or fatter? was damn thin, now just thinner sigh.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer. rawr.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
talked more to people and opened my heart more, but it's a bit hard to these days; it's almost a reflex now.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
apathetic.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
happy full and a bit irresponsibly. >.<

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
NONE. i suck.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
lost. haha!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
not really, hating is too tiring.

26. What was the best book you read?
watchmen by alan moore. haha.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
the devics, elliot smith, iron and wine, charlemagne.

28. What did you want and get?
that's for me to know ;p

29. What did you want and not get?
too many things; i expect too much and i only disappoint myself.

you see the conundrum, when i am idealistic i end up hurting myself; when i remain in a state of disinterest i end up killing my soul so either way it's not very good ;p

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
superman returns was nice lar.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
this year i celebrated my 21st birthday with kox david dawn risse and ailin, and everything was lovely and happifying.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
not slipping on the 28th december

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
jeans and shirts. yes, i ve finally made the leap.

34. What kept you sane?
dawn and ailin and jac and jes.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
jade seah and fiona xie. ohwells.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
more of an ecological issue actually, the independent makes a stirring case.

37. Who did you miss?
people in singapore

38. Who was the best new person you met?
haha i honestly don't know!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
faith i guess.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
i really need to start to pay more attention to lyrics.

it's been more than a week since i left for yorkshire and i return happy glad thankful for the small things in life and friends who last more than a half decade of years; so to ailin chin, for being possibly the best host ever, and the fantastic organiser of the happiest christmas i will ever have, here's to you and your lover bhoy and may you have a splendid incandescent new year in heathrow airport, and no, i'm not mocking you because more often than not it's whom you're with rather than where you're at but i suppose i would be lynched for this given i'm in switzerland but trust me as i say this!

two weeks have flown by and soon the third will be gone and memories of this vacation will be reduced to the required tepidity and menial stupour of a daily routine and all i can say is that summer will be here, soon, and singapore, hot humid singapore will beckon and arrive and as usual, all sensible notions of fitness will be drowned with the incredibly cheap price of food.

it is new year's eve as i type this post now so to everyone out there, happy 2007, may this year be a better one than the previous, may there be world peace, may there be inner peace and lastly may everyone treat a repeated experience as your first and thoroughly immerse yourself in the fluxes of the accompanying emotions because nothing kills anyone faster than apathy and ennui.